The Crud

I started feeling bad the week of January 14th. Now, I often hear myself audibly say, "I don't feel good" and I automatically change the monologue to "I'm fine. I feel fine." I listen to Joyce Meyer a lot - and I know that I say a lot of things out of habit that I don't mean and I don't want to speak negative over my life when really, I'm just repeating some junk I've said for far too long.

So, the week of January 14th, I was exhausted - and I hadn't done anything. My body was hard to move and my spirits were low - but I was determined to move past it. I shot a quinceanera on the 19th - totally exhausted. Nothing I did was ridding me of lethargy and body aches. I shot for 8 hours and went home feeling like maybe a bug was coming on.

Sunday brought an incredible cold and by 8pm I sounded like Kathleen Turner. (Yes, I sang Stinky Shoes.) Monday hit me in the face - I had to ask for help to get to Urgent care - and there, I was misdiagnosed with bronchitis and pharyngitis. By the afternoon, my mom had insisted on picking me up and driving me back to Spokane. That night I felt a teeny bit better but was mostly grateful that someone could watch my dog and let him out without me having to go up and down stairs trying to ensure his bladder was empty.

Tuesday and Wednesday were awful. No energy, endless nebulizer treatments, and body aches from hell. On Thursday, after my mom got sick too, I knew it was time to go to urgent care again.. After 3 days of antibiotics, I wasn't getting any better and felt like my lungs were worse.

At urgent care, they told me I was going to the hospital in an ambulance. I had status asthmaticus - which means "uncontrollable asthma attack." I wanted to go in my mom's car the 8 blocks to the hospital, but the doc told me I may not make it without the ambulance. Ugh. The ambulance ride was uneventful, but I was glad the EMT said I was the best patient that day - simply for not bleeding on her. (Small victories.)

In the ER, we found out I had full blown bacterial pneumonia which was most likely brought about by the flu, with most of my left lung not working. The asthma wasn't helping, so I was admitted - until Sunday evening.

The thing about the hospital...the food is awful, the coffee is criminal, and the days are long. However - some of my very favorite people came to see me - and for that, I'm grateful. I received gifts of flowers from work, coffee from friends, a stuffed dog, balloons, and late Christmas pressies - but really, the most amazing gift was the time people took to come and see me. I hadn't seen a few of my pals in months - and spending time with them was a complete blessing.

I took a chance and tried for something new when I got out - I have yet to hear anything on my chances but was grateful for a few days to relax in the hospital and think about what I really want for my life. I spent some quality time with God - realizing what it really meant to hand Him the reins. I've laid everything at the altar before - hopes, dreams, fears - all of it. It's all His and it remains His - but I'm grateful for the time to sit and really dwell on what it means for Him to have control.

I'm not excited about the bills that are coming from the pneumonia stint - but I am grateful for a loving God who provides for me and will ensure I'm ok. His eye is on the sparrow...

I'm out of sick time, personal time, and vacation. My time will be spent finishing my school work and working full time - with bouts of wacky moments and mini breaks to Spokane, Seattle,and Portland when I can afford them. I'm okay with that.

In the next month, I have to renew my lease or find a new home. Not wanting to be in Richland much longer, I found myself freaking out about signing a new lease...but then I remembered where I had put my hope - and so I'm leaving this in God's hands until He shows me what I'm supposed to do - and I have total faith that He will.

This was a long rambler of a post, but I wanted to encourage anyone who might be reading - that though things might look bad, you might feel bad, or lacking hope - and I'm here to tell you - that even when things look hopeless - His eye is on you. He knows what we need and He's faithful to provide wisdom and provision when we ask in faith. "All things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Rom 8:28
If you don't know Jesus, I want you to know that He loves you so much that He gave His life so you could live an enjoyable life - a life filled with promise and hope. My favorite teacher can give you more and better info on her website, www.joycemeyer.org

God bless you, have an amazing day, and sorry for the rambles!!!

Grateful for a do-over.

The "I already flubbed up my new year's resolutions" blues. Right off the bat, I should've planned better. I should've rid my home of food that would tempt me during my paleo commitment - but I didn't. I should've picked a workout routine that I could commit to doing six days a week - I didn't do that, either. I probably should've asked people to be my support system - to hold me accountable - but well, you guessed it - I didn't do that either. So on Wednesday, I'm starting over. Why Wednesday? Because I have food in my house that I want to get rid of - and I didn't work hard to pay for it to throw it out. I'm going to eat it and be done with it. I decided on Power 90 for my workout routine. I've done it before with great success, so I know what I'm getting into - it's a half hour workout six days a week - I can do this. Starting Wednesday gives me a day to make sure I have my starting weight and inches recorded. I can't be this uncomfortable for another year. I'm finishing grad school and looking at and hoping for new challenges this year. The driver's seat is mine. It's been 2 weeks of "this isn't what I wanted for 2013" - and now that time is over. My birthday is in less than a month. I need to take care of business.

Anywhoodles...I've been hanging with Will Shakespeare, creating a new(er) curriculum for a magical project and continuing research for my thesis. I look at the (thesis) task before me and think "HOW WILL THIS TURN OUT?" and then I think, "oh yeah, it's only 4 months. I can do this." Whew. Must.Keep.Brain.In.Check.

Other thoughts: I've been battling forgiving myself. The enemy likes to remind me of my ick...but thankfully, I know that I've been forgiven, so I have to audibly say, "Get behind me. I've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb - and you have no hold here. May I remind you where you are heading?" And he usually shuts right up. In case you might be struggling with the same thing, I encourage you to confess (if you haven't already), speak these words out loud, then (as Joyce would say) claim forgiveness - because it's already yours.
1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."Psalms 103:12, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."

Matthew 26:28, "For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins."Romans 8:1, "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

I'm so grateful for a God of fresh starts. I love New Year's - it's my favorite time of the year. (I could do without the snow, but hey - you can't have it all.) I screwed up the beginning of the year, but I won't be messing up the rest of it. I have to keep reminding myself, "I CAN do all things through Him who gives me strength" - and I can :) He's proven Himself time and time again. You got this. I got this.

Happy New Year :) 

New Directions - not just a glee club

So I made New Year's resolutions. I'm happy with what I've resolved to do and change in my little world. I decided to go Paleo, and it's a decision that I'm happy about. However, I should've done a better job getting rid of food in my house and surrounding myself with snack options that don't fall outside of Paleo parameters.

Last night, I was so freaking hungry - and a turkey burger with a bag of steamed broccoli wasn't cutting it. I decided that should a caveman be in my house, he'd go ahead and eat the corn chips and pineapple salsa- because cavemen didn't throw stuff away willy nilly (at least not in my estimation.) He'd probably be freaked out about a lot, but he'd eat.

So, I ate and I didnt beat myself up about it. I also took a nap, because my body wanted it and because it felt like freakimg magic.

This is the year of accepting myself - I'm going to do my darnedest to be as fit and healthy as possible - and I'm not expecting results over night. I'm wearing clothes that I like - regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. Dress over jeans? Yep, I like it like that. Scarf, sweater, and dress over jeans? Yes, Yes that's me. I will sew something for myself to wear this year - and I will love it. I will wear the clothes I want, whether I'm in a size I want to shout out loud or not.

I'm hoping for a new direction this year. New city, new home, new job, and please God, new boyfriend. I am excited about change - excited about the possibilities of little sparks of delicious, creative, and bright spots in my little world.

I've been reading a lot of Joyce Meyer lately (what else is new) and it's really impressed upon my heart to be in better fellowship with Jesus. Not to ask or expect anything, but to just spend time praising Him - and that's what I want to do this weekend. Spend time praising my Savior, the one without whom I would have no hope or life. I would encourage you to do the same. Just love on Jesus a bit and see what happens. My hope is that I fall more in love with Him and what He has for my life. He knows the desires of my heart, I don't have to keep shouting them at Him :)

Take good care of you, enjoy your weekend, and God Bless!!

For Auld Lang Syne

So I have resolved to blog more...and I guess it all starts here.

My goals for the year:
* Full paleo eating habits for the entire month of January. I'll try to keep you as updated as possible.
* Blog more. The goal here is to offer encouragement or entertainment - whichever works at the time is good for me.
* Apply for my PhD - this will only be usurped by the possibility of getting my dream job. (More on that as the time approaches...)
* Graduate from Gonzaga w/my MA in May.
* I'm going to go on a few dates - even if I have to do the darn asking. Ugh.
* I am going to make it to England this year. It will happen.
* I'd like to do crossfit at least once a month this year. I've never done it before but definitely want to!
* I need to get in shape, lose weight, and so does Crab. We're doing this. And, I'm going to wear the clothes I want to wear. It's happening.

There are more but I don't have the list...so that's all I have. I'm excited to see what God has in store for the year. I have high hopes and am a little giddy about watching the plan unfold (Jer 29:11)

Happy New Year!!