Saturday, February 2, 2013

The Crud

I started feeling bad the week of January 14th. Now, I often hear myself audibly say, "I don't feel good" and I automatically change the monologue to "I'm fine. I feel fine." I listen to Joyce Meyer a lot - and I know that I say a lot of things out of habit that I don't mean and I don't want to speak negative over my life when really, I'm just repeating some junk I've said for far too long.

So, the week of January 14th, I was exhausted - and I hadn't done anything. My body was hard to move and my spirits were low - but I was determined to move past it. I shot a quinceanera on the 19th - totally exhausted. Nothing I did was ridding me of lethargy and body aches. I shot for 8 hours and went home feeling like maybe a bug was coming on.

Sunday brought an incredible cold and by 8pm I sounded like Kathleen Turner. (Yes, I sang Stinky Shoes.) Monday hit me in the face - I had to ask for help to get to Urgent care - and there, I was misdiagnosed with bronchitis and pharyngitis. By the afternoon, my mom had insisted on picking me up and driving me back to Spokane. That night I felt a teeny bit better but was mostly grateful that someone could watch my dog and let him out without me having to go up and down stairs trying to ensure his bladder was empty.

Tuesday and Wednesday were awful. No energy, endless nebulizer treatments, and body aches from hell. On Thursday, after my mom got sick too, I knew it was time to go to urgent care again.. After 3 days of antibiotics, I wasn't getting any better and felt like my lungs were worse.

At urgent care, they told me I was going to the hospital in an ambulance. I had status asthmaticus - which means "uncontrollable asthma attack." I wanted to go in my mom's car the 8 blocks to the hospital, but the doc told me I may not make it without the ambulance. Ugh. The ambulance ride was uneventful, but I was glad the EMT said I was the best patient that day - simply for not bleeding on her. (Small victories.)

In the ER, we found out I had full blown bacterial pneumonia which was most likely brought about by the flu, with most of my left lung not working. The asthma wasn't helping, so I was admitted - until Sunday evening.

The thing about the hospital...the food is awful, the coffee is criminal, and the days are long. However - some of my very favorite people came to see me - and for that, I'm grateful. I received gifts of flowers from work, coffee from friends, a stuffed dog, balloons, and late Christmas pressies - but really, the most amazing gift was the time people took to come and see me. I hadn't seen a few of my pals in months - and spending time with them was a complete blessing.

I took a chance and tried for something new when I got out - I have yet to hear anything on my chances but was grateful for a few days to relax in the hospital and think about what I really want for my life. I spent some quality time with God - realizing what it really meant to hand Him the reins. I've laid everything at the altar before - hopes, dreams, fears - all of it. It's all His and it remains His - but I'm grateful for the time to sit and really dwell on what it means for Him to have control.

I'm not excited about the bills that are coming from the pneumonia stint - but I am grateful for a loving God who provides for me and will ensure I'm ok. His eye is on the sparrow...

I'm out of sick time, personal time, and vacation. My time will be spent finishing my school work and working full time - with bouts of wacky moments and mini breaks to Spokane, Seattle,and Portland when I can afford them. I'm okay with that.

In the next month, I have to renew my lease or find a new home. Not wanting to be in Richland much longer, I found myself freaking out about signing a new lease...but then I remembered where I had put my hope - and so I'm leaving this in God's hands until He shows me what I'm supposed to do - and I have total faith that He will.

This was a long rambler of a post, but I wanted to encourage anyone who might be reading - that though things might look bad, you might feel bad, or lacking hope - and I'm here to tell you - that even when things look hopeless - His eye is on you. He knows what we need and He's faithful to provide wisdom and provision when we ask in faith. "All things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Rom 8:28
If you don't know Jesus, I want you to know that He loves you so much that He gave His life so you could live an enjoyable life - a life filled with promise and hope. My favorite teacher can give you more and better info on her website, www.joycemeyer.org

God bless you, have an amazing day, and sorry for the rambles!!!