Finish Line

After a year of training, I did it. I finished the Seattle Half Marathon. I finished on a wing and a prayer. Battled a chest cold, asthma, and an excruciatingly painful leg...and finished. I finished alone. While others were surrounded by family, friends, and loved ones at the finish line, I stood alone. I don't want sympathy or pity, it just is what it is. And the harsh truth is, I didn't much care for it. This amazing pride of finishing what I'd set out to accomplish, this feeling of relief that I completed a half marathon even though every physical part of my being wanted to quit, were kind of shadowed by this tremendous "ugh".

I think a lot of people get a little blah-ish at the holidays. What should be a time of joyous celebration is weighed down by the guilt to have to shop until you wind up in debt. The billowy mounds of snow should be inviting like they were when we were kids, but rather, they are evil white demons creating havoc on the roads and causing horrible car accidents and great physical damage.

I'm so grateful to have kicked my New Year's Resolution in the tookas. I'm grateful that my lungs are stronger than they ever have been, and I'm so extremely glad to have a medal that shows just how hard I've worked.

I'm ready for a move. I'm ready for a big change. I remember a poem I wrote in my early twenties about how badly I wanted something to change in my life, how I felt like I was drowning in stagnant water...and that feeling is rearing it's ugly head again. I can rest in the knowledge that God has me in the palm of His hand, I just wouldn't be human if I didn't admit that all of this waiting has left me exhausted and achey.

2010 was a good year for the health of the girl that I am. I'm stronger than I knew I could be, I fought my way through races I never thought I'd take part in. I've stood up for myself, been proud of myself, and fought for myself. And yet, the girl who started this year wanting a very specific thing is still there, waiting. I have great hope that 2011 will bring great joy and many more opportunities for greater health and a well-deserved pride.