Here we go again!

Oh geez, I suck at keeping this updated! Let's see...2nd term of grad school just started. Yay for Computer Mediated Communication! Hey, it's a requirement!  I interviewed for an international instructor position last Friday and I should know tomorrow if I got it. Yikes!! I moved out of my house last week. It took every single ounce of energy I had, but now I'm out. I'm currently staying in my friends' remodeled garage while I wait to find a home. I was going to buy, but I had an epiphany today and I think that idea is completely out of the window. Probably moving into a rental house for a while starting October 1st. We'll just see, I guess! So, work is full time, school is full time, leading worship at Life Church (that I love more than words) is 2 Sundays a week, and my brain is full! But, the good news is, there's a distraction. It's nothing but a simple bit of glorious fun right now, but that is enough. I started the weekend with a wonderful day of wine tasting with Em (so.much.fun) - we tasted some absolutely delicious wine and went to a few great local wineries. The rest of the weekend was spent in Spokane and I got to spend time with an absolutely fantastic human being. Lucky me.

Looking forward to an Advocare 24 day challenge w/ my cousin. Hoping I feel a little refreshed and energized at the end! So, here we go again. Happy to have something to distract me while I dive head first into the rest of this term and wade in the waters of uncertainty about a new position and a place to live.

Cheers!!
M

Holy Moly!!

I haven't posted in a year, so here are the updates in a nutshell:

*In February, I left my job as a Travel Coordinator with a construction company and moved to a national lab, where I am in the EXACT same position.

*4 weeks ago I began my Master's Degree in Communication and Leadership at Gonzaga University. The best part? Tuition is completely reimbursed by my new employer. So fantastic!

*I found an amazing new church. I'm so, so happy to be a part of the church body at Life Church in Richland, WA. I've never felt such an instant welcome, I am surrounded by loving, wonderful people. I've joined their worship team, and am often very blessed to join a group of people for lunch after church on Sunday. It has completely blessed my heart.

*I haven't ran all year. My allergies and asthma are doing their darnedest to kill me...but alas and alack, I will win!! Reading through my old posts, I am encouraged to eat better and exercise more. Let's just say the new job and the master's degree aren't really helping me stay super fit ;)

*I mustered up every ounce of courage I had and took care of something that needed to be said for a while. I'm super glad it's over and I'm quite proud of myself :)

*Last week, someone fraudulently used my debit card and stole every penny in my account. After filing a police report and a fraud packet, I have provisionary credit back. Had an icky situation in grad school last week, but I think it's getting better. Wrote my final article for my favorite newsweekly...it's too much stress & time investment and it's not worth it anymore. Sad. Last night, my car completely stopped working. I found out today that it's going to be $3300. Ouch. That wipes out my savings, which was to fund my trip to England later this year. Broke. my. heart. I will admit that being single during the last few weeks has been SO difficult. I'd love some help. I'd love a great big hug and someone to say, "it's all good babe, we got this." Maybe someday, right? In the mean time, I'm super grateful for parents, who have offered to help me with this ridiculously awful situation. I'm so glad that God loves me and has great plans for me - and I'm flattered that He thinks I'm strong enough to handle this. I'm glad He's strong enough to handle it, b/c in truth, I'm completely drained. I have amazing friends who are funny and smart and wise and I love more than I can say. You guys bless my heart.

*My dog is still the best dog in the world. You can write that down.

*Oh, I almost forgot! I did stand-up comedy for the first time this week. It was awesome! They laughed! I think I'll do it again! Super fun :)

I'm reminded of a few scriptures that I will want to remind myself of again when things get hard:
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13
"ALL things work for the good of those who love Him and are called according to HIS purpose." Rom 8:28
"“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Cor 12:9

I'm hoping I'll just be a happy, smiling camper the next time I post :) Sorry if I was Debbie Downer. God bless your socks off!
M

There's always hope...

A new year, a renewed hope; opportunities seem endless, change seems imminent, and life seems conquerable. It's three weeks into the new year and I still feel like all of that is possible. I'm making changes I'm proud of, making decisions that could possibly change my life for the better, and creating ideas that will hopefully see me this productive the whole year through.

I'm taking part in a weight loss challenge group on facebook, and it's doing wonders for keeping me accountable. Instead of setting the bar too high and making it difficult to see myself succeed, this year I'm taking weight loss slow. I'd rather have it stay off FOREVER than to see it again in a year or so. In another group, we're taking part in a me/you health challenge. It's fantastic to have a group of people who are committed to bettering their physical and mental health together. I'm a vitamin-taking, fish oil-swallowing machine!

I've got a specific opportunity that I'm waiting to hear (any minute) on. It could change my life for the better in many ways. I'm hoping for less stress, more sleep, and a better peace of mind. As soon as I know something, I'll post an update.

This year, I hope to read more, travel more, save more, spend more time with God, take better care of relationships that matter, and pursue what matters most. *In happy news, my family is once again getting along well. WHEW! I needed that.

In a matter of weeks, I'm getting another year older. I'm not where I want to be in life, but thank God I'm not where I used to be! Holding fast to this verse, "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." Phil 1:6

God bless you! Have an amazing year!
M

Change in Plans

The high road is chock full of pot holes.

Much to my dismay, my attempt at making peace failed. Looks like it's going to be Christmas in Vancouver. The magical upside is that I'm spending Christmas with my big brother, his wife, her mother, and my funny niece. It's going to be a very laid-back casual Christmas, and for that, I'm exceptionally grateful. The crab-man and I enjoy a good road trip, so I'm hoping the snow stays away so we can actually enjoy the ride :) Portland for Christmas...yep, that sounds alright to me!

Sounds like New Year's will be in Spokane - which is magic. Lucky for me, my pal (whose birthday is NYE) and I are going to have a classy, relaxed evening all to ourselves. New Year's Day, I'll get to see some of my favorite Spokane peeps - and perhaps I'll even get to exchange gifts with my parents and other brother & his wife. We'll see...I can't get my hopes up too much; the suckerpunch I got yesterday knocked the wind out of me and I'm still a little tender about the emotional ribcage.

In good news, my workpal and I are planning on boosting up our creative sales.  So, it's to the blog & etsy I go for fresh inspiration and marketing tips. I'm actually really excited about doing more with my photos...I need something creative and fun to focus on for a while, so I'm super happy to have a pal to go through this with.

Things aren't fantastically magical right now...but it dawned on me today - crap hits you in three's...and so now, I've GOT to be done! Whew :) In the "Mary vs Singleness" world, I got back on the saddle...if anything worth talking about comes of it - I'll write about it!

God Bless you!
M

Auld Lang Syne

I think the end of each year can come to one of two conclusions: 1) you are revived and ready to conquer the next year, 2) you are completely exhausted and ready to sleep the next year off.

I've wound up at the second option. (I'd say that I ended up with number two, but the entendre was too much for me.)

I had an awful run-in with my mom last Friday. I had a realization about her that shook me to my very core, and I'm still not quite over it. Saturday evening, I realized that someone who I knew and understood to be a certain way was absolutely not. I sincerely cared about this person, was extremely happy to spend time with this person, and it's over. I'm not sure if that one evening was the off night, or it was true colors being exposed for the first time. Either way, it was hurtful and agonizing. I've kind of felt it coming to an end for a while now, but I didn't want it. I still don't want it to be over - but if it's for the best, if it's what God has for me - then I'm ultimately ok with it.  I've had another situation biting me in the face for the last few weeks and it came to a head today. I'll say this - all of the running I've done this year, all of the preparation, the stretching, the exercising - it's not really prepared me for ALWAYS having to take the high road. I'm completely exhausted. I was so upset Sunday morning that I actually RAN to church. Yep. You read that right.

I guess blogs are a kind of online diary. So I'd rather be real and just let it out - but I want to be clear - I'm not asking for help. I'm not seeking pity or looking for someone to reach in and save me. I'm exhausted. As a Christian, my faith and my hope are in Christ. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being let down. I'll admit to taking some fairly stupid steps in the last few months, but at the heart of me, I want what God has for me. I want His will and His perfect time. I don't understand His time; lately, I don't really like it. If you would've told me 20 years ago that I'd still be single and childless, and only 2 months from being 35...I would not have believed you. I wouldn't have believed that God would have that in store for me. I'm trying to hard to be grateful. So many people are without jobs, without food or a roof over their head - and here I am, being achey and exhausted. A coworker found out last night that her husband has cancer and my heart aches for her...I am NOT dealing with anything that awful, but yet this exhausted achiness from a heart that waits and waits and doesn't quite understand why - keeps agonizing over endless thoughts of what is wrong with me, what on earth must be so bad that no one wants to be with me. I know, it sounds pathetic. But it's real. I just feel uber silly for feeling this way when people have REAL problems.

I'm not sure what's ahead. I may very well end up working to complete my master's this year...and then again, maybe not. I want out of here - this city, the state, perhaps the country. Every now and again in my life I'd have the urge to run...and I've been training.

I have great hope for next year - I conquered more this year than I would've ever thought possible. It's been kind of amazing watching myself go through the last twelve months. It's been surreal and surprising. I've been scared out of my mind, more tired than I could possibly imagine, more proud of myself than ever before, and I've never been more ready for something BIG to happen.

I hope if you read this - you have an amazing new year. I realize I don't sound like the best example of a hopeful Christian right now, and I am sorry for that. Things will get better, my hope will get stronger, and God WILL make a way - where there seems to be no way.  I know, because He's proven it time and time before.

Finish Line

After a year of training, I did it. I finished the Seattle Half Marathon. I finished on a wing and a prayer. Battled a chest cold, asthma, and an excruciatingly painful leg...and finished. I finished alone. While others were surrounded by family, friends, and loved ones at the finish line, I stood alone. I don't want sympathy or pity, it just is what it is. And the harsh truth is, I didn't much care for it. This amazing pride of finishing what I'd set out to accomplish, this feeling of relief that I completed a half marathon even though every physical part of my being wanted to quit, were kind of shadowed by this tremendous "ugh".

I think a lot of people get a little blah-ish at the holidays. What should be a time of joyous celebration is weighed down by the guilt to have to shop until you wind up in debt. The billowy mounds of snow should be inviting like they were when we were kids, but rather, they are evil white demons creating havoc on the roads and causing horrible car accidents and great physical damage.

I'm so grateful to have kicked my New Year's Resolution in the tookas. I'm grateful that my lungs are stronger than they ever have been, and I'm so extremely glad to have a medal that shows just how hard I've worked.

I'm ready for a move. I'm ready for a big change. I remember a poem I wrote in my early twenties about how badly I wanted something to change in my life, how I felt like I was drowning in stagnant water...and that feeling is rearing it's ugly head again. I can rest in the knowledge that God has me in the palm of His hand, I just wouldn't be human if I didn't admit that all of this waiting has left me exhausted and achey.

2010 was a good year for the health of the girl that I am. I'm stronger than I knew I could be, I fought my way through races I never thought I'd take part in. I've stood up for myself, been proud of myself, and fought for myself. And yet, the girl who started this year wanting a very specific thing is still there, waiting. I have great hope that 2011 will bring great joy and many more opportunities for greater health and a well-deserved pride.

Distractions...

The last part of August brought a pretty happy change for me - and September was amazing (ya know, UH-MAZE-ING). Nothing serious, just an intimidatingly smart, funny, handsome distraction. No idea what is going to come of it - but I've had more fun in the last 30+ days than I have in a decade, and THAT is saying something. (I'm a fun girl, what can I say?)

I'm spending more time on me, too. I've ran more miles this week than I ever have before. Each day I've been aiming for 5 miles - which isn't much to REAL runners, but for me, it's so much more than I would've ever thought possible on a daily basis. Today, I splurged and got a Road ID bracelet and yesterday, I got a new race-day shirt. Tonight - I'm heading to the runner's store to get some new kicks. Along with my new brace, I'm hoping the shoes make my feet and knee feel new again.

This Sunday, I participate in a 10k in Spokane...yep, running a 10 on 10/10/10! On the 23rd, I've got another 5k, followed by a 10 mile race in November - and the grand finale - the reason I started running - the Seattle Half Marathon is on Sunday, November 28th. There's the notion that my finish line could have company - and that would be fantastic.

I'm so happy and relieved to be feeling renewed and refreshed - I am laughing so much and smiling so much lately - I just want to soak it in.  It could last another week or longer, I'm just going to enjoy what I can while I have it. I was raised to not be selfish - to put others first, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it - this time is for me. I deserve to be carefree and laidback, and I'm SO grateful that it's happening now. I'm a really happy girl. And in case the distraction ever happens upon this - many, many thanks for reminding me what this feels like.