Here's to you, Mrs. L.

First week of student teaching is in the books, second week started with dog poop all over the floor, blocking my way out the door this morning. ARGH! dog! So I missed the first class and sat in the hallway listening to the teacher until the door was closed, then I sat listening to random students in the hallway. Two students actually discussed if they were in charge of "the empire" how would they change it - the girl said, "It clearly needs a race of cat people." YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! Then, because my pal's morning started with his foot in a puddle of dog pee - i prayed for both of us, for better days, and for light hearts. And, because of the power of the internet and the magic of google - I searched for "clean funny memes" and then barraged him with what I found to be hilarious. It worked and by 9 am, the "waste" had lost the battle. WOOT

On Sunday, I found out that my very favorite teacher of all time had passed away in her sleep on Saturday night. She was the reason I wanted to teach. She believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. She told me once, "if I were ever going to vote for a woman for President, it'd be you." It's been more than 20 years since she said that, and it still has an impact on my daily life. I'm so grateful that my loving Savior saw to it that my teaching career could begin while she was still alive. I was only one week into my dream job when she made her exit from this world. I couldn't be more grateful for her influence in my life. She expected more out of me than I expected out of myself. She made me believe that I really could do anything I put my mind to. 

As a freshman in high school, I noticed that she had pictures of seniors who graduated and had moved on to bigger and better things. That year I knew I'd do whatever it took to make it under the glass top on her desk, MY senior pic had to be there someday. In the middle of my junior year, my family moved away and I was heartsick that my "senior pic under the glass top" dream was crushed. When my announcements arrived and my pictures were ready, I sent one to Mrs. Lawson, in the hopes that there'd still be room for me. I went to the FHS graduation and there was my favorite teacher, waiting to give me a hug. She took me down to her classroom and showed me that MY picture was under the glass. I made it. I wasn't even in her school anymore, but she kept me in that place of high honor. She wasn't just a teacher and annual staff advisor - she was a confidante, a mentor, a counselor,a guide, a friend. She meant the world to so many students and is the reason so many of us wanted to become teachers. I'm so grateful for influence in my life and the investment she made in me. She told our class ('94) that we were the game changes, the people who would revolutionize the world - and I'm going to do my best to prove her right. I love you lady. 

It's on my heart again that God cares about what we care about. No request is too big or small for His attention. He loves us and wants to be involved in every aspect of our lives. The God of the universe loves you, has a plan for you, and wants the best for you. He is your father, savior, friend, and counselor. He's the Prince of peace - let Him in every area of your life so He can give you peace, comfort, rest. The freedom that comes from complete surrender will change your entire life - and it's such a blessing. 

The pneumonia is almost gone but my brain is still wonky, please forgive me for a wonky-brained post. God blessand kee p you!!

-M

Love this

Teaching and Seeking

I love new beginnings. I love the hope of starting something new and the possibility of something life-altering and wonderful happening. I'm ready for a lovely surprise. 

This week, I start student teaching at the local community college. I'll be teaching with an amazing lady who has the most ridiculously high marks from former students on all of the teacher rating sites. She's an absolute treasure and I can't wait to work with her and the students. Together, we'll guide them through speech, communication behavior, and multicultural communication. I'm hoping that this experience leads to an amazing new career opportunity. I need something fresh and inspirational. I need a reason to be excited in the morning - to get ready and get moving every day. Yes, my life is worth living, but I'm seriously hoping that this experience gives me a boost I've been longing for.

In May, I will have been in the desert for 6  years. I've been encouraged to remind The Lord of His promises, to present my case before Him rather than plead my case. So I remind Him, "Lord, your word says that you will create streams in the desert, that you are doing a new thing - your word promises a hope and a future, it says that you promise to prosper me and not to harm me. Your word says that you put desires in my heart and that you alone will fulfill them." I pray, "Lord, your words says that it is not good for man to be alone...Your word says to be fruitful and multiply, how can I do that Lord if I don't have a husband?" Then, i have to wait for His perfect will and His perfect time. The clencher ;) 

So I have high hopes for 2014. I'd love to meet some amazing guy who wants a wonderful life with someone who is funny, smart, and completely dedicated to Christ. It would be glorious...the waiting however, not so much. At 37, almost 38, I'm ready to meet this mystery guy. Someone to share life with. Someone who will let me sit in the passenger seat. Someone who will take out the trash every now and again. Someone to send a quick text that says, "honey, would you pick up some milk and eggs on the way home?" Someone to bury my head in their manly chest when the day has been unbearably hard. Nearly 20 years of leading, making my own way, handling all that life throws out - and I'm ready for someone to partner up with. I've made room in my townhouse for someone. I've got an additional parking spot - he can show up any time now :) 

Anywho, if you're reading this - I pray  heaps of blessings on you in this year. I pray that you are surrounded by amazing people who will bless you with their loyal friendship and help carry your load. If you're single, can I encourage you to ask for help and accept it when you need it? Let someone know when you need a hug (I'm working on that myself)  - single doesn't have to mean alone :) 

All the best-

M

2014!

I love New Year's Day. I love new starts and promises of new beginnings. I'm going to try to blog more this year, to be more encouraging, to keep my resolutions. :) happy new year, friends!

The Crud

I started feeling bad the week of January 14th. Now, I often hear myself audibly say, "I don't feel good" and I automatically change the monologue to "I'm fine. I feel fine." I listen to Joyce Meyer a lot - and I know that I say a lot of things out of habit that I don't mean and I don't want to speak negative over my life when really, I'm just repeating some junk I've said for far too long.

So, the week of January 14th, I was exhausted - and I hadn't done anything. My body was hard to move and my spirits were low - but I was determined to move past it. I shot a quinceanera on the 19th - totally exhausted. Nothing I did was ridding me of lethargy and body aches. I shot for 8 hours and went home feeling like maybe a bug was coming on.

Sunday brought an incredible cold and by 8pm I sounded like Kathleen Turner. (Yes, I sang Stinky Shoes.) Monday hit me in the face - I had to ask for help to get to Urgent care - and there, I was misdiagnosed with bronchitis and pharyngitis. By the afternoon, my mom had insisted on picking me up and driving me back to Spokane. That night I felt a teeny bit better but was mostly grateful that someone could watch my dog and let him out without me having to go up and down stairs trying to ensure his bladder was empty.

Tuesday and Wednesday were awful. No energy, endless nebulizer treatments, and body aches from hell. On Thursday, after my mom got sick too, I knew it was time to go to urgent care again.. After 3 days of antibiotics, I wasn't getting any better and felt like my lungs were worse.

At urgent care, they told me I was going to the hospital in an ambulance. I had status asthmaticus - which means "uncontrollable asthma attack." I wanted to go in my mom's car the 8 blocks to the hospital, but the doc told me I may not make it without the ambulance. Ugh. The ambulance ride was uneventful, but I was glad the EMT said I was the best patient that day - simply for not bleeding on her. (Small victories.)

In the ER, we found out I had full blown bacterial pneumonia which was most likely brought about by the flu, with most of my left lung not working. The asthma wasn't helping, so I was admitted - until Sunday evening.

The thing about the hospital...the food is awful, the coffee is criminal, and the days are long. However - some of my very favorite people came to see me - and for that, I'm grateful. I received gifts of flowers from work, coffee from friends, a stuffed dog, balloons, and late Christmas pressies - but really, the most amazing gift was the time people took to come and see me. I hadn't seen a few of my pals in months - and spending time with them was a complete blessing.

I took a chance and tried for something new when I got out - I have yet to hear anything on my chances but was grateful for a few days to relax in the hospital and think about what I really want for my life. I spent some quality time with God - realizing what it really meant to hand Him the reins. I've laid everything at the altar before - hopes, dreams, fears - all of it. It's all His and it remains His - but I'm grateful for the time to sit and really dwell on what it means for Him to have control.

I'm not excited about the bills that are coming from the pneumonia stint - but I am grateful for a loving God who provides for me and will ensure I'm ok. His eye is on the sparrow...

I'm out of sick time, personal time, and vacation. My time will be spent finishing my school work and working full time - with bouts of wacky moments and mini breaks to Spokane, Seattle,and Portland when I can afford them. I'm okay with that.

In the next month, I have to renew my lease or find a new home. Not wanting to be in Richland much longer, I found myself freaking out about signing a new lease...but then I remembered where I had put my hope - and so I'm leaving this in God's hands until He shows me what I'm supposed to do - and I have total faith that He will.

This was a long rambler of a post, but I wanted to encourage anyone who might be reading - that though things might look bad, you might feel bad, or lacking hope - and I'm here to tell you - that even when things look hopeless - His eye is on you. He knows what we need and He's faithful to provide wisdom and provision when we ask in faith. "All things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Rom 8:28
If you don't know Jesus, I want you to know that He loves you so much that He gave His life so you could live an enjoyable life - a life filled with promise and hope. My favorite teacher can give you more and better info on her website, www.joycemeyer.org

God bless you, have an amazing day, and sorry for the rambles!!!

Grateful for a do-over.

The "I already flubbed up my new year's resolutions" blues. Right off the bat, I should've planned better. I should've rid my home of food that would tempt me during my paleo commitment - but I didn't. I should've picked a workout routine that I could commit to doing six days a week - I didn't do that, either. I probably should've asked people to be my support system - to hold me accountable - but well, you guessed it - I didn't do that either. So on Wednesday, I'm starting over. Why Wednesday? Because I have food in my house that I want to get rid of - and I didn't work hard to pay for it to throw it out. I'm going to eat it and be done with it. I decided on Power 90 for my workout routine. I've done it before with great success, so I know what I'm getting into - it's a half hour workout six days a week - I can do this. Starting Wednesday gives me a day to make sure I have my starting weight and inches recorded. I can't be this uncomfortable for another year. I'm finishing grad school and looking at and hoping for new challenges this year. The driver's seat is mine. It's been 2 weeks of "this isn't what I wanted for 2013" - and now that time is over. My birthday is in less than a month. I need to take care of business.

Anywhoodles...I've been hanging with Will Shakespeare, creating a new(er) curriculum for a magical project and continuing research for my thesis. I look at the (thesis) task before me and think "HOW WILL THIS TURN OUT?" and then I think, "oh yeah, it's only 4 months. I can do this." Whew. Must.Keep.Brain.In.Check.

Other thoughts: I've been battling forgiving myself. The enemy likes to remind me of my ick...but thankfully, I know that I've been forgiven, so I have to audibly say, "Get behind me. I've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb - and you have no hold here. May I remind you where you are heading?" And he usually shuts right up. In case you might be struggling with the same thing, I encourage you to confess (if you haven't already), speak these words out loud, then (as Joyce would say) claim forgiveness - because it's already yours.
1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."Psalms 103:12, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."

Matthew 26:28, "For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins."Romans 8:1, "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

I'm so grateful for a God of fresh starts. I love New Year's - it's my favorite time of the year. (I could do without the snow, but hey - you can't have it all.) I screwed up the beginning of the year, but I won't be messing up the rest of it. I have to keep reminding myself, "I CAN do all things through Him who gives me strength" - and I can :) He's proven Himself time and time again. You got this. I got this.

Happy New Year :) 

New Directions - not just a glee club

So I made New Year's resolutions. I'm happy with what I've resolved to do and change in my little world. I decided to go Paleo, and it's a decision that I'm happy about. However, I should've done a better job getting rid of food in my house and surrounding myself with snack options that don't fall outside of Paleo parameters.

Last night, I was so freaking hungry - and a turkey burger with a bag of steamed broccoli wasn't cutting it. I decided that should a caveman be in my house, he'd go ahead and eat the corn chips and pineapple salsa- because cavemen didn't throw stuff away willy nilly (at least not in my estimation.) He'd probably be freaked out about a lot, but he'd eat.

So, I ate and I didnt beat myself up about it. I also took a nap, because my body wanted it and because it felt like freakimg magic.

This is the year of accepting myself - I'm going to do my darnedest to be as fit and healthy as possible - and I'm not expecting results over night. I'm wearing clothes that I like - regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. Dress over jeans? Yep, I like it like that. Scarf, sweater, and dress over jeans? Yes, Yes that's me. I will sew something for myself to wear this year - and I will love it. I will wear the clothes I want, whether I'm in a size I want to shout out loud or not.

I'm hoping for a new direction this year. New city, new home, new job, and please God, new boyfriend. I am excited about change - excited about the possibilities of little sparks of delicious, creative, and bright spots in my little world.

I've been reading a lot of Joyce Meyer lately (what else is new) and it's really impressed upon my heart to be in better fellowship with Jesus. Not to ask or expect anything, but to just spend time praising Him - and that's what I want to do this weekend. Spend time praising my Savior, the one without whom I would have no hope or life. I would encourage you to do the same. Just love on Jesus a bit and see what happens. My hope is that I fall more in love with Him and what He has for my life. He knows the desires of my heart, I don't have to keep shouting them at Him :)

Take good care of you, enjoy your weekend, and God Bless!!